What do you think?

Posted on: May 7, 2011

I never get asked that.  Thursday 5.5.11 was the first day in I don’t know how long that someone has genuinely asked me what I think and how I feel.  And you know what…I didn’t know.  The questions I’ve wanted to be asked for so long I didn’t know the answers to.  I’ve never been asked them so I never had to think about it.  That’s how this whole blog thing started.  I was answering the questions.  Over the past 3 days I’ve been figuring out how I feel and what I think and it’s quite overwhelming.  I need like a good week to figure things out….but I don’t have that, I would give anything for it.

This whole process or whatever I should call it has taken over.  I cry a lot.  I just need guidance.  I don’t know how to figure things out.  I’m just a kid.  I need to organize my thoughts.  Every two seconds something new comes up or happens, usually it’s something that has happened before except it’s different this time because I’m starting to figure out and think about how I feel about it.  I’m not sure.  I don’t know.  I’m very confused.  I have a lot of thoughts and their all coming into my mind at once and it’s too much for me to deal with right now.  Life didn’t just stop because I’m trying to figure me out.  Things are still happening.  I still have work to do and things to accomplish and this on top of it.  I feel like a complainer, but I just don’t know what to do or how to fix this.  I would love to sit and talk to someone for hours and hours and hours, but I can’t.  I barely have time to write this.  Hopefully talking to people will help.

As much as I appreciate my friends and it helps talking to those very few good ones, adults are better at this.  They’ve dealt with things or they know people who have.  But people my age are just kids too and they barely know how they feel and they’re figuring themselves out too, sure they’ve had more time and guidance but still.  I need to figure things out.  I need a break.  I’m trying to figure out how to figure things out.  I’m so overwhelmed.  It helps seeing who’s there to help me pick up the pieces.

Eyes sore. throat hurts. nose full. head throbbing. only the beginning.


1 Response to "What do you think?"

Hey – glad you found my blog…and reading yours, I’m extra-glad you started yours. Writing can be so therapeutic, and it sounds like you’re using it for just that. Your posts got me thinking of the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – it’s a pretty fabulous thing. Good luck, and know that there’s support out in the ether (and in your heart) that’s far more powerful than the people who may or may not be in your life. Peace – j.

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