Pre-Summer Realizations…

Posted on: June 4, 2011

breaks are nice.  I’m ready for summer…

I’m ready to get away from the stress, away from friends, away from “friends”, away from teachers, away from grades, away from always having to do something.  I just want time with my thoughts.  I want to re-evaluate everything.  The things I feel.  I’m a lot more insecure than I thought I was.  I didn’t realize how things were affecting me.  But now all these things that I’ve felt are just coming to the front of my thoughts instead of hiding in the back under everything else.

I think my sister is the prettiest girl in the world.  I always wanted to look like her….but I realized a lot of that was because she looked like my mom and I was jealous.  I was jealous that I could look at my sisters face and see exactly what was from my mom or from my dad.  I wanted that.  In addition to looking like them she is goregous.  She did gymnastics so she has a slim but strong body.  She has blue eyes and goregous brown hair (that she dyed blonde).  I look at her and I see all those girls that are in the magazines and they look a like.

I’ve always wanted to look like them…the “pretty girls”.  Those girls that can be annoying and obnoxious but people are just drawn to them.  I always thought that life would be so much easier if I looked like them.  My mom would understand how to shop for me, people wouldn’t give me and parents weird looks, no one would ever ask “where are you from” as if I’m not American because my skin is tan.

It’s not that I mind being different.  I like it.  It’s just my parents don’t look like me and I don’t look like them and that is so frustrating.  I HATE when people point it out.  Inside my house we’re this happy little family but as soon as someone says something or asks about all goes downhill.  I just think of bad but I say good things and it makes me feel like I’m lying.  But I’m not cause we’re both good and bad it’s just confusing.  I’m very confused.

I love my family.  I have a wonderful life…but something’s missing.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


  • None
  • vampporcupine: are so CUTE! I don't know why you look at yourself the way that you do. It may be adoption related or might not. You are adorable :). Remeb
  • Susie: I understand where your feelings are coming from ~ and I know it is so hard to overcome the "not good enough" image you have of yourself. I want to t
  • Susie: The unknown and wondering in adoption is enough to drive you crazy. Not that this probably helps at all, but I was always thinking of my son not only


%d bloggers like this: